Compiled Posts About Psychopath Free 2

The following posts and comments were recovered from previous versions of the blog and compiled to save republishing them individually, since they deal with the same subject. Whereas the platform makes less of an impact nowadays, the disciples of this mentality are increasingly numerous.

Psycho Buster Brigade

June 30, 2015

On several forums in the vein of Psychopath Free, the safety issue is just a pretext to achieve complete dominance over forum members. What they really seem to want is wilful players in their Psycho Buster Brigade game, which must, by definition, include active villains they can demonstrate their efficiency on. Your example can serve as psychological fodder for those who see a threat in everything that moves; they can fortify the idea their group is surrounded by enemies and infiltrators who must be dealt with promptly.

It’s a bit like saying “The world outside of this group is hostile and dangerous; that’s why we have to build this lovely compound on the hill.”

You realise very quickly you are in an “us” vs “them” scenario, where two
“armies” collide and you must choose the side of their heroic volunteers or be cast out like a Gollum figure slithering restlessly at the gates of their sanctuary.

As you notice from their site description, they think their amazing moderation is guaranteed to keep psychopaths out – meaning they are actively looking for signs of psychopathy among members. Sometimes they get carried away and identify one of their own, hence the saga with one of their moderators, who was apparently subjected to a vicious public attack. Which is what they do when you find yourself on the wrong side of them.

Have you seen Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds ? Many have; it’s a cult film, no pun intended. Actually, I did get a mental glimpse of Lila Green when I read the comment denouncing “trolls” and “trouble makers” with such pedantic certainty,  in response to articulate descriptions of the PF  forum experience.

“Triggering”

Within days,  PF members will notice they are very exclusive about what can be discussed there; one cannot diverge a quarter of an inch from their fixed array of sub-themes and approaches, even if the new subject suits the general discussion.

On more than one occasion, members wishing to discuss an original idea have been abruptly told off on the grounds of their posts being “triggering” to others. Which makes no sense since their entire forum qualifies as “triggering” material; most of it is a venting space where people reminisce about the worst times of their lives. In spite of that, they find an abstract new idea threatening. In my view, this is a thought-stopping technique to ward off any originality; it has been absurdly applied in various contexts, in Pavlovian fashion.

Basically, you are only allowed to post in the following lines:

• Responding in agreement to the articles they provide.
• Posting personal stories and examples adding to the same ideas.
• Opening threads which solicit these stories based on a common element.
• Opening threads which criticise or mock presumed psychopaths or certain traits they have.
• Opening threads about famous psychopaths or famous people you suspect are that way.
• Chatting about trivialities.
• Chatting about ways to improve your spirituality, health and the likes.

According to their Decalogue, former members and my own experience, it is forbidden to:

• Talk about co-dependency. If you mention you suspect you are co-dependent, without placing that label on others or involving them in any way, you are almost immediately banned. They are so vigilant they’ll ban you for offending yourself!
• Come up with a new approach to healing from an abusive relationship.
  Come up with a different explanation for the behaviours discussed there, other than personality disorders.
• Insist on quoting other authors on this subject as opposed to the site admin, whose quotes can be seen all over the forum.
• Have a jovial attitude, especially if you are a heterosexual male. You are perceived as flirting with female members.
• Not toe the party line in cutting all contact with the presumed psychopath in your life, however difficult that may be logistically. Believe it or not, other members will report you for it and you will be banned or publicly admonished and asked to leave.
• Not toe the party line in cutting contact with that person’s family and entourage. You must perceive them all as a threat to you and yours and avoid them, even when children are involved that they have the right to see.
• Question the validity of any points made by staff in their material.
• Question any action taken by staff and defend other members they have targeted.
• Fail to report your every encounter with the so-called psychopath accurately; they even have a “no contact” counter you should update regularly. If you seem to be in trouble at some point and fail to inform them of the outcome, you will be admonished as if you were a minor.
• Express any doubt that a suspected psychopath actually is that way.
  Defend the actions of someone who is accused of being a psychopath; you will be seen as a traitor to the cause, Westboro-style.
• Post too much out of an excess of enthusiasm, even if you stay on the safe side of the rules. You will be told you are “flooding”.
• See human interaction as a continuous grey area, as opposed to black and white.
• Refer to material put out there by self-diagnosed psychopaths, narcissists etc.

 

Beside the “no contact counter”, which must accurately report what you do in your private life – as opposed to simply talking to members and staff – is a list of moods you can choose from. You may find it entertaining to select yours, without knowing how seriously they are trying to assess every member’s emotional state, tone, attitude etc, with the actual impression of being able to.

On more than one occasion members were told they didn’t seem to be suffering enough, or seemed too happy after being victimised. These sobering statements should pull the veil off anyone’s eyes, no matter how naive they normally are.

Post Views: 2,187

53 COMMENTS

snow
Keep reporting. I agree 100%. This is a veiled cult.

AUGUST 7, 2015

 

Admin
I’m not sure if there’s anything more I could add; that’s pretty much it; it’s good for the information to be out there though, just in case it stops someone from giving them their details. Everything is fully visible on their site but new members don’t bother to read forum announcements from 2 or 3 years ago and don’t see all this until it’s too late.

Though I stopped checking some time ago I’m sure they still have a handful of registrations daily and it’s worrying to see others being drawn into that mess all the time.

AUGUST 8, 2015

 

Caitlin
I wanted to thank you for starting this blog. The experience on that forum is very toxic and not conducive to healing — and people have a right to know that.

SEPTEMBER 2, 2015

 

Admin
There’s no need to thank me; I simply looked all over the place for a similar one and didn’t find it, though people seem to be banned there day in and day out. I rarely check for news ; but last night I did and saw yet another member banned, who had been there for two years and seemed a very literate and balanced poster (I suspect due to a detailed analysis of BPD; they surely don’t like it when anyone theorises besides them).

Moderators are incredibly arrogant and bent on thinking they are saving the world. It saddens and enrages me that people fall into that trap and participate in their game, leaving themselves so vulnerable.

They discuss issues like physical and sexual abuse and the most hurtful things ever said to them, their worst childhood memories etc. And to think that the people they trust are anything but what they claim.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2015

 

Caitlin
That member was me. The reason I was banned is because a) I was a “know-it-all” and b) I told a grieving member that while we deserve sympathy/empathy from people, we can’t always expect it. I also said that sometimes, our emotions scare other people, and this often makes people not respond to us, or not respond to us in ways that we think they should. A moderator (Victoria) moved the post to another forum, and I thought it was so I could defend myself. I was told I was callous, unsympathetic, unempathetic, argumentative, and disrespectful of staff.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2015

 

Admin
It’s incredible, isn’t it? They call themselves a support forum yet jump like hyenas on anyone who disagrees with them. Did they just realise you were all that after two years? I think they felt threatened because you didn’t seem insecure; they love it when people are desperate, follow their ”advice” to the letter and sing their praises all they long. The moment one starts having an original opinion they are done on their forum.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2015

 

Caitlin
Based on a joke in one of your posts, I started a blog called “Sycophant Free” (it’s at https://sycophantfree.wordpress.com/). I was banned in part because I tried to defend myself from Victoria’s misinterpretation of my post, as well as a post on borderlines and psychopath’s anger (whether it’s real or not.) I was told “This is not a debate forum.”

So, no, they don’t want opinions that don’t toe the party line, so to say.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2015

 

Admin
That’s great. The more people complain about their behaviour, the more difficult it will be for them to sweep things under the carpet. Truth be told, I have no idea how they have managed to remain so popular, treating members as they do. It’s a mystery. My guess is older members, aside from the hard-core clique, are continually replaced by new ones, who are ingenuous of the whole situation.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2015

 

Caitlin
I talked to my therapist this afternoon about the situation I dealt with on the forums. I’m taking DBT, primarily for the interpersonal effectiveness unit. I was told that while the information I gave on BPD was 100% factually correct, the poster I was responding to was probably looking for total validation and no dissent from her opinion. I was also told that as a highly intelligent, articulate person with a background in the social and life sciences, the average person on a forum like PF feels threatened by anything resembling my posts on borderlines or psychopathy. They felt talked down to instead of informed (calling me an argumentative know-it-all), which speaks volumes about the insecurities exhibited by PF’s staff and average poster. This is not to say that I feel superior to members or staff on PF; they just relate very different to other people than I do, and I may need to learn how to make information more palatable to people who aren’t like me.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2015

 

BadVictim
I have just asked the forum’s opinion on why my ex had reacted in a certain way to something I said post-breakup (about them not to them), and somehow that turned into being lectured about ‘not keeping No Contact’ and being told that I shouldn’t have said what I’d said. So much for no victim blaming, eh? The responders also pretty much uniformly dictated to me that since I’d asked the question I was obviously emotionally torn up about what had happened.

I asserted that I was fine emotionally, repeated that all I wanted was people’s thoughts on what had happened, and defended my right to deal with the aftermath of the breakup in my own way. I also called out one member in particular for taking an aggressive tone in their responses to me and expressed frustration at being repeatedly misunderstood and given advice that I didn’t ask for.

The forum at large didn’t like that, I can tell ya. Evidently I was supposed to show anguish and suffering and to toe the party line about pretending the ex doesn’t exist to the world at large as well as to the individual’s face, rather than appear to be doing OK and CHOOSING my own way of dealing with my own life. The thread is still chuntering along, with me having exited it, as every member and their dog weighs in about how I am ‘attacking’ people and the like.

I’ve requested that the moderators delete my account…we’ll see if that happens, shall we? I’m not counting on it – based on what I’ve read here a ban is more likely, I would think. Thanks for this blog – it was what I needed to read today.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2015

 

Maria
I’m sorry to hear you’re their latest target. At first I was under the impression conflicts were not that frequent there, but looks like they gang up on someone at least every few days. You’re basically going there to be patronised and insulted.

About the ”no contact” rule, it’s quite something, how they think they can dictate how you should live your life. A few months ago, during the start of a similar tell-off, one member compared their attitude to trying to help a drug addict overcome the addiction – which is a crazy comparison to make. The ”addiction” involves an actual human being and the decision is always yours on how to approach that person. They’re just an internet group, nameless and faceless, yet they have a strange sense of entitlement.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2015

 

BadVictim
Hey, Maria – thanks for your response. It was really quite amazing how quickly things escalated. I’ve been a member of a lot of different internet forums over the years, and normally I would expect that when I make a ‘hey guys, what do you make of this?’ kind of post, the responses would be people saying ‘I think [X]’, leading into some kind of rational discourse. But no – they were DETERMINED that they were going to cast me into the role of ‘hapless, distraught victim’ whether I liked it or not, and when I refused to play the true colours of my ‘support network’ showed. They were only interested in supporting me as long as I was the right KIND of victim, it seems! I think I saw the discussion you referenced – I was taken aback by that as well. Even drug addicts presumably get to CHOOSE whether they come off the drug cold turkey or not, ferChrissake, unless it’s court-mandated rehab!

Saying what I said about the ex, in front of witnesses, was incredibly cathartic and healing for me, and I’m glad I did it. I’m glad he got wind of it and that he now knows he can’t just say any old shit about me and expect me to just pretend it ain’t happening. Goddammit, I’ve spent enough time bending over and taking abuse and putting on a nice face for the world, pretending nothing is amiss. I didn’t dump his ass in order to carry on doing that!

SEPTEMBER 19, 2015

 

Maria
Exactly. So many former members say the way they were treated on PF reminded them of the relationships which caused them to seek help on-line in the first place.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2015

 

Stefan
“No contact” is a good idea, but it doesn’t work in most cases. The better choice is “Controlled contact”. Blocking your abusive ex or family member on facebook or the cell phone sounds like a good idea at first, but you lose control over the ways they can contact you. You force your abuser to stalk you, when you burn all bridges. I think it’s better, to guide them to a door to your life, that you have under control. When your cell phone rings and you see “Oh, it’s my ex” – you have the choice if you want to answer the call, When you block and delete every contact to your ex, you lose control and always hesitate, when you get a message from a someone you don’t know.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Maria
You’re right. Plus, it’s safer to know what they are up to from time to time. I’ve noticed that when you intentionally cut all ties with someone you become anxious about what that person might be doing or planning to do with regards to you. This happens even on a low level. When I was active on a different forum, not a recovery one, members would sometimes block each other and choose to not see each other’s posts. But instead of leaving each other alone and pretend the other person didn’t exist, they would gossip, sprinkle the forum with innuendos etc. They ended up watching each other more than they were before.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Sandra
They make fun of people who ask their account be deleted and then decide whether or not dependent upon how many posts you have and how much of a contribution in general you’ve made to the site. They have to go through each post, supposedly, and delete them one by one. I personally find that hard to believe with the information they post about the internet machine they have. It should be fairly simple, but who knows the truth. They also don’t like deleting accounts because there will be holes all over the forum where you used to be. “Too bad!”, I say to them. And Peace’s warning or threat or whatever you want to call it (mentioned elsewhere on this blog) that they aren’t honoring deletions any more is just another example of control and fear tactics.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Maria
The claim that they have to manually delete posts is a lie.

I can tell you as someone close to me has a vBulletin licence (the platform they use) and a few years ago I administered a forum using it. There is an option to delete an entire account automatically. I’m not sure how it works with regards to quotes, but the version I had was ancient and still worked in that sense. Then there is an option called ”pruning”, which only removes posts. They are lying through their teeth, quite stupidly; they must know others are aware of what they’re doing.

There are also options to read PM’s between members and having them copied onto a folder you have access to automatically. Basically, there is nothing an admin cannot do or control on a forum. Of course I never did that but I did see it. The platform must be far more advanced nowadays.

From what Thomas Sheridan says on his blog, they do go through each post, but not in order to delete it, but in order to read it again and speculate what kind of person they are dealing with, to mock them, gossip, make a witch trial which escalates the way every case does; eventually they end up calling people names or labelling them with disorders. They mock the information you trusted them with; this is pure poison; imagine your therapist having a coffee break with a few colleagues on the corridor and laughing about the abuse you suffered.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they kept people’s posts somewhere to have access to them later, but that is only speculation. They are so paranoid. That’s how it would be great for this information to be seen by those who are thinking about registering there.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Maria
Just skimming through random threads it’s so easy to see how they’re fixated on giving the same advice to everyone, even when they inquire about harmless behaviour they suspect might be a red flag, like someone telling you they like you sooner than you expected. The only kind of advice is ”RUN!”. Regardless of what the problem (or perceived problem) is, they’ll find it somewhere on that list and tell you you’re in danger. I never saw that while I was active, as I was of the same mindset; I thought they knew what they were talking about. Looking at it from a distance and with emotional stability, it’s so obvious now.

They must be congratulating themselves and each other every time someone gives up on a potentially viable relationship.

SEPTEMBER 19, 2015

 

BadVictim
What really scares me is how many of them say things along the lines of “don’t talk to your friends/family about this…come and talk about it here ONLY. We understand – THEY don’t.”

Isn’t that what cults do?

SEPTEMBER 19, 2015

 

Maria
To my knowledge, yes. They claim they’re the only ones who can understand and help you; the rest are uninitiated. I never noticed them doing that but it’s so like them. I wonder what they personally get out of it. Is there some sort of gratification in the thought of being able to influence people’s lives and decisions…?

SEPTEMBER 19, 2015

 

Sandra
Interesting about the deleting of posts, Maria, and the reading of private messages. My moderator chum told me that they know who is messaging one another behind the scenes and watch for people who get chummy with one another. That makes me sick because I have used that option with a few people and two of them were banned so maybe my messages were being read as well but not considered anti-establishment. This is just some disturbing behavior any way you look at it.

I do think there is some truth in the thought that they don’t want to delete accounts because it does mess up the flow of threads when a person’s comments just disappear. It also takes away from the neat and tidy look of PF. But what can a member do if the admin refuse to delete your account? I don’t think there is anything you can do except keep sending in requests?

My moderator friend also told me that they are very careful when issuing the actual description that falls under your name when you are no longer a member. Many people are banned but they don’t want everyone to see that so they use the word inactive under the account. I guess they reserve banned for the lessons they want to teach the public. I know of at least three moderators and one administrator from long ago who were all banned due to fall outs and questioning the establishment on their treatment of people and one another and especially when it was discovered there were alliances behind the scenes and real life friendships being kept secret until it was all discovered. All these banned admin and mod posts are still there but the word inactive is underneath their names.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Maria
It’s a bit strange that they think they can maintain a clean-cut image; those people didn’t fade into a black hole; they’re able (and why not, likely) to speak out one day. Do they really think they can keep treating people that way with zero consequences? It’s a castle of sand. There must be hundreds of banned members out there.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Maria
The only thing they can do is delete their own posts before leaving the forum. I don’t know how often the forum is backed up but they should give it a week before confronting the ”establishment”, to make sure the latest backup doesn’t include their posts. Although I’m not sure if they’re really gone for good, but at least they are no longer visible to everyone. Of course when it comes to members with hundreds or thousands of posts it would take a long time and maybe they would notice .

Also, I noticed when I first confronted them, they made it impossible for me to delete the post I had made on that specific thread, while I still had full access to everything else. So they must’ve been watching the whole time.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Sandra
You are correct in your last paragraph, Maria. My moderator chum also told me that even though a member tries to delete posts in an attempt to erase something or even everything if they really want to leave for good, they have the capability of putting them back up and they do! I guess they did that with a member who wrote very long stories and offered an immense amount of support but then tried to delete his presence when they were going to ban him for something he said or shared.

This points to that team’s inability to acknowledge that they are providing mental health support and then abusing and retraumatizing a person using their very own disclosures. That is just so unethical and so wrong. If someone journals or discloses very personal stories because they feel the site is safe and they trust those who run it, that is a form of healing. If later they want to erase their online journal or posts because they may realize they shared too much or were in a very heightened state of mind and in so much pain that they weren’t thinking clearly, and then aren’t allowed to, that’s a form of abuse!! Yet the admin of the site turn it back on to the hurting person and blame the victim that they should have known better than to write so much.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Maria
So they actually put posts back up, after the member deletes them and everyone knows that? And other members aren’t at least scared it might be them one day?

And they tell people they gave too many details so it’s their own fault for trusting the site? Just when I thought I’d heard everything. They have no shame, really. It’s almost like they draw people there to have a bit of twisted fun with them.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Caitlin
I’m not sure how they do maintain a professional veneer with how they goad some members into confrontation. My posts were reasonable; theirs weren’t. It’s baffling.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2015

 

Maria
I agree and it’s baffling that so many members describe the atmosphere on PF as peaceful, when they see people hounded every few days, month after month and year after year. At what point does one wake up and think this is plain wrong?

SEPTEMBER 21, 2015

 

Maria
No, you’re not the only one who thinks that way. Even when cognitively agreeing with the site as the articles made sense (at least at the time), I had an irksome feeling something wasn’t right. I can only describe it in simplistic terms, but it was almost visceral. Especially at the sight of all those general threads about what ”they” are like and what ”they do”; those threads basically separate the world into ”us” and ”them”; almost like studying a pack of animals, words being thrown around very lightly. And although I tried blending and joining in (I thought they were street smart while I was too naive), deep down the whole attitude and self-righteousness felt contrived.

Aside from the initial amazement of having found people who were not harsh or rude (to my face, it turned out), no real growth came out of that experience; just regret and embarrassment. The appearance that people there are balanced and have a lot of wisdom to offer is just that; an appearance. Although I can only speculate, I think there is a link between validating others and needing to validate oneself; objectivity goes out the window; facts become less important. I’ve seen that happen on other forums with women who have had abortions and would put psychological pressure on new members in crisis to do the same, while knowing very little about their circumstances or possibilities. The reflex would kick in and they would start the typical rhetoric.

About the issues you describe above, society doesn’t help at all by endorsing this culture of victim identity; I don’t even see how referring to oneself as a survivor for years on end helps a person heal. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t want my identity to be centred on or linked to a negative event. It’s like saying that particular trauma defines you; that it’s the key notion in your life. And of course that’s not accurate; a person is much more than that. And I can almost picture the frowns of disgust from some people who would find that approach completely insensitive; I just don’t see how it helps people to embrace the victim status as their identity. It’s defeatist more than anything else.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2015

 

Sandra
You are not the only one, Mia. You said a few things that pop out at me that really ring true:

On that site, anger takes roots and there is a vicious cycle of negativity. This happened to me and it was slow and insidious. Yes, I learned some good information there, yet how I used it and how I perceived people in the real world was really impacted negatively by my involvement with the culture of that site. I felt anger and I felt nothing positive in my life the more time I spent on that site and the less time I spent really learning to interact and be different in the real world with people causing me problems and vice versa. The gut aches I had were NOT from my real life problems. They disappeared when I walked away from that site completely. There is a real danger in becoming addicted to cyber people and their input and validation. You are isolating yourself from opportunities to strengthen your social skills. The culture of that site is hurtful and toxic, yet it is considered a peaceful place full of rainbows, kittens, coffee and wine. It took me a long time to pull myself away from that and understand it was all in my head and that I was closing the real world out.

The other thing you said is that you only really wake-up to this facade when you are bullied, banned or have someone in your real life shake some sense in to you. Two of these things happened to me and I finally saw the unhealthy and dangerous impact that site was having on me.

I also feel programmed by that site still. Even though I can type all of this and believe it, I am still afraid that one of the leaders will find out who I am and hurt me in some way, two in particular. This is a very valid fear and one in which I’m working on with a licensed mental health care provider. It’s all making more sense and part of my commenting on this blog is to address my deep fear of retaliation, and also the anger I feel toward one moderator who covertly and overtly bullied me and whom the administration sided with and whom presents as a wonderful, loving, kind and with-it person on that site to this day.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2015

 

Maria
To start with, I was worried as well. The first few articles were on a document I never thought I would make public. I thought about it for weeks. Out of some sort of fear, of course, after reading how vicious the PF team could be. But to think about it, I have nothing to worry about. I didn’t break any laws, didn’t ask for people’s money, didn’t pretend to be someone I wasn’t. My only crimes were too much honesty and too much trust (and some stupidity).

They have more to lose than any of us do if they start throwing the you-know-what against the fan. Because ultimately things will get out of control and they won’t be able to justify their belligerent use of the information entrusted to them (although it’s difficult to understand how they justify it right now).

SEPTEMBER 21, 2015

 

Sandra
I don’t see things getting out-of-control, Maria. They do a good job of sending the fights and bullying and drama posts to the Meta Forum where public can not see it, and then where it eventually is deleted or dies. I’m sure they are reading this blog and cleaning up more and more just to prove us all wrong. They also have a very small team now and haven’t introduced any new people to the administration group or the moderator group after three mods left in recent months. I think the entire site is being run by Lucky Laura, Victoria, and Kitten.

The majority of members who have been damaged by people on that site have most likely gone on in their lives and just want to forget about it. Just a few days ago Peace announced that they now have 250,000 on Facebook and are continuing to pass information on to doctors and lawyers and now students in schools. I hardly recognize the avatars and names of people anymore. Out with the old and in with the new then repeat when needed. Those of us here, and those on what they call the Amazon Teddy Vendetta Thread, are small fries compared to the masses on that site. I know it sounds like a defeatist attitude, but I saved myself and have written as much as I can here to help anyone who stumbles across this blog like I did.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2015

 

Caitlin

Victoria seems to like to “start shit”, as the vernacular goes. Eventually, she stops responding, and HealingJourney takes it from there to ban people. At least, that’s what happened to me. I’ve also heard other cases of Victoria not responding after goading members into a disagreement.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2015

 

Maria
Exactly. That’s why I think people have nothing to fear if they speak out.

SEPTEMBER 22, 2015

 

Sandra
There are three who do the banning and each have their own style of drawing out the drama in order to get someone to jump over the edge, so to speak, and as I see it. It always looked like they did a ton of work to get their story lined up with examples from sometimes weeks of saved comments. The moderators I saw seemed to be all quiet and toeing the line except one. She stirs up a lot of drama, pokes and is just a downright angry person.

SEPTEMBER 22, 2015

 

Sandra
I find it revealing that shortly after Lucky-Laura arrived to the site, two long term moderators left. I agree with what Mia has shared above (assuming she’s talking about Laura) in that she is very public about her favourites (even posting comments awhile back in an article she wrote) and has declared herself and Healing-Journey to be the best of friends, AND in real life. Who would do that on a public forum? I remember not seeing Healing-Journey on the forum for great lengths of time and then Lucky-Laura starting one of the arguments that led to banning and all of the sudden there would be Healing-Journey backing her up out of nowhere. If you pay attention to how these people review each others’ articles (and even their books on Amazon) you will see there is a clear admiration amongst them. This obviously clouds their judgement about how horrific and abusive their language and behaviors have evolved and continue to be toward basic members on that site. It is nothing more than a gang of friends standing up for one another even when what they are doing is clearly wrong. Where is Peace in all of this? Why does he not participate in this gang behavior? Why does he not join in, publicly, in the goading and poking of members that leads to moving threads to the Meta Forum and ultimately banning alongside his trusted administrators of this forum? My moderator chum was disgusted in Laura’s behavior behind the scenes. She has a fake, sugary persona in public, yet is horridly foul behind the scenes with her language, personal beliefs and life choices. This side of her has come out in the gang banning from time to time and she has imitated Smitten Kitten’s way of saving up weeks of a person’s comments and then bringing those in for all to see while proving her point about how deranged or wrong that member is — using their own words against them.

SEPTEMBER 22, 2015

 

Sandra
Agree with your comment, Mia, whole-heartedly.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Sandra
Also, read Peace’s acknowledgments in his renewed version of his book. It lists every administrator and moderator (including those who are no longer there) and his feelings about each. It speaks volumes about inside friendships, what he knows is going on, and what he is supporting behind the scenes.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Maria
People can be rude and offensive with a smile; although he chooses his words carefully and seems to have a positive attitude, the announcements encouraging members to report each other on the slightest suspicion leave no doubt.

Also, his understanding of trolls and ”sketchy members”, as people who are self-involved, write too much about themselves and don’t seem to care about others. It’s ludicrous, especially when it comes to new members, to actually have expectations out of them when they are distraught. It’s not community service or something members are obligated to do when registering. They are not in a condition to help others since they can’t even help themselves. All they can do is regurgitate the BS on the forum and join the choir. They don’t expect to be evaluated or judged on their own ”performance” of helping others.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Sandra
P.S. I would like nothing more to see Peace shut down that forum and focus on his re-released book through an author’s FB page or something like that. He touts there are 250K followers now. Clearly a FB page would be easier to run, less hurtful towards abuse victims, and drive the sales of his book just as effectively than the site that has morphed into a comedy, really, of a gang of his bullies. I think it has the potential of hurting his writing career and especially since he’s come out with his real name and is represented by a decent publisher. Surely the publisher sees the dysfunction and toxicity of the accompanying forum?

SEPTEMBER 22, 2015

 

Sandra
Ironically, it’s on the list of books that an abuse support group I frequent is reviewing for our next book club. I was able to read the acknowledgements last week, and offer insight about my experience with the book and forum to our group. I didn’t support the book within our group. ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert ended up being our choice. We are moving forward with positivity vs. the continuation of analyzing negativity and toxic behaviors. Our group is beyond that now, thank goodness.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Sandra
P.S. There are still a few persons in our group who are keeping it on their list. It was just a majority decision not to include it in our book club.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Sandra
You make good, valid and logical points, Mia. I truly believe it to be Peace’s ethical responsibility to shut down that site, especially after all that has been shared here. I can only hope that the administration and moderators of that site are paying attention to what has been disclosed on this blog, and instead of victim blaming us or calling this a vendetta blog (like has been done at Amazon) they are truly taking a good look at what they are doing. As is the case with mental health issues such as discussed here, when a few come forward, there are multiples who do not.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Maria
Unfortunately, these points have been made before, for instance in the Amazon discussion (or most of them anyway); their only reaction was to deny any deceitfulness or wrongdoing.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Stefan
PsychopathFree is some kind of cult. And you can’t fight a cult with reason. Do you know Ayn Rand, the author of “Atlas Shrugged”, the so called “philosopher” whose philosophy was “egoism is good, altruism/empathy is evil”? Google for Ayn Rand and psychopathy or read this site http://michaelprescott.freeservers.com/romancing-the-stone-cold.html – it’s very obvious that here was something terribly wrong with Ayn Rand. But she still has her followers, many people call her a genius, a great novelist – but when you look at her and her work with psychopathy awareness, you see the red flags popping up everywhere. The heroes of her books are incapable of real love, they have sex, often cruel sex, but they have no intimate relationships. There are no children, no loving families in her books. The “psychopathy” of Ayn Rands universe is so obvious, but the cult is going on. PsychopathFree is unhealthy, but the abuse is subtle and the mask is pure and clean.

It’s always the same with cults. When you criticise the founder his minions say, you haven’t read his book or you don’t understand it. Or you are whatever they call their enemy.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Sandra
I agree completely with what you have stated, Stefan, especially the last paragraph, and that sentiment about leaders and minions is why I’ve made the decision today to end commenting here.

I have read everything here in earnest, and I’ve tried to address the hurt that site caused to me. I’ve written as much as I can here and based upon my personal experiences. I’ve come to a point where there really is nothing left to say, and that hasn’t been said by others here and in so many unique ways. I could tell my stories 1,000 times and it won’t make a bit of difference to them. I realize I wanted and needed them to change, to fess up to their idiocy, and to apologize. I said goodbye, physically, to Psychopathfree a long time ago in walking away, not commenting, not reading. I have glanced again while blogging here in order to clarify my thoughts, and I have found myself unable to sleep and with a headache. Without this blog, I wouldn’t have had anywhere to go to understand what happened to me at PF and to tell as much my side as possible. I’m able to say goodbye to it mentally today, and feel that I am not alone in how I interpreted the site nor in how it impacted my life in a negative way.

To future persons who find this blog (just like I did), please take heed to what others are sharing here.

God Bless.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Stefan
I was unsure, if it has something to do with an unhealthy community, my own issues or with cultural differences, that I god banned from PF. I’m from Germany and I’m from a part of Germany, that is not known as warm-hearted. My cultural background is worlds away from this “Oh, I’m so sorry what happened to you”-culture on most recovery forums. I was a stranger in a strange land on PsychopathFree and I think, I’m a stranger here.

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Maria
Everyone is a stranger to a degree; it’s your choice whether to let people earn your trust or let them ”earn” your distrust, giving them the benefit of the doubt first. If I choose to do the latter it’s exactly that, a choice, and understandably, most times it is not reciprocated. As long as you give people a fair chance, either approach is fine, as far as I see it. Sorry for being so defensive about the motivation behind the blog.

SEPTEMBER 24, 2015

 

Maria
Sandra, thank you very much for your participation and the information you have revealed. I really hope things go well for you in the future.

SEPTEMBER 24, 2015

 

Eileen
Mia,

Your bringing to mind the transfer from unconditional loyalty to PF has made me ponder the significance of the undocumented impact of PF for those in most severe situations — those who are too scared to post anything on the forum. Those whose stories were never shared.

It does not take long to recognize that PF moderators/administrators value unconditional loyalty and avoidance of questioning actions and comments. Since PF presents moderators, administrators, and participants as “normal”/positive/empath-rich group of people, it may reinforce that creapy/bullying behavior is commonly accepted by valued (lots of likes) and supposedly kind people (lots of concern). Unconditional loyalty is “normal” — even celebrated by “victims” (all the post-ban hurrays), so why not return to the unbalanced relationship?

SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

 

Ro
I’ve tried to leave a reply here but kept getting an error message?

OCTOBER 26, 2015

 

Maria
Sorry about that; there must be a technical issue; it’s the first time this happens. And sorry about the late reply as well.

OCTOBER 27, 2015

 

Maria
It seems to be working now (unless you have been trying to post a comment since this one and it failed to work again). If it keeps happening for some reason, please email your reply to thecultureoffalseoppression@gmx.com and I will post it on the blog. Apologies again!

OCTOBER 28, 2015

 

 

Psychopath Free and Cult/ Utopia Fantasies

August 12, 2015

I’m not sure how to start this and how to use acceptable words, as I’ve got nothing against the members of PF; generally they are sensitive, empathetic people in need of kindred souls – which is why I can only cringe when seeing the level of idealisation many have reached regarding the forum and its team.

Here you can find a recent thread  describing an imaginary closed community where all PF members would dwell in harmony, among lambs and butterflies. It would be named after the forum’s admin (nope, not a joke, though you’d think that had gone out of fashion after Jonestown).

To sum it up, they describe a country paradise of complete social harmony. Some PF members clearly think the forum is a virtual Heaven on Earth and that if they started a real community it would be perfect, without any unkindness, crime, rudeness or conflicts. The police would have nothing to do there (except look out for the psychopathic ex-partners of the residents, presumably to keep them at bay). It would be a place where they would never fear or distrust others again.

To be unceremonious, it sounds like the Exclusive Brethren on Prozac, minus the inbreeding.

Obviously, I needn’t mention the sheer number of groups which started out that way and had less than idyllic ends.

My intention is not to offend vulnerable people who are trying to find comfort in each other. They must have participated in that fantasy with innocence and enthusiasm, thinking no one but forum members would take an interest in it. They must genuinely believe PF is a place of love and kindness.

I am simply creeped out.

The forum is meant to help people “heal”, as in overcome the trauma of abuse and be able to move on, to have a social life, to trust and to love again, whichever applies.  Some have been there for years, and if the result is they have vivid fantasies of fencing themselves in from the rest of the world, with the idealised versions of strangers they only speak to on the internet, I would say the result has been quite the opposite.

They seem dependent on this group for comfort, emotional balance, enthusiasm. And the irony is they could lose all that in a matter of minutes, as the team they worship (almost literally I see) couldn’t give a rat’s bum about kicking them to the side for the slightest disagreement.

I’ve been on forums and I’ve been a forum admin – and have never seen anything like this. Yes, members meet at some point if they can and develop friendships in real life. That is only natural. The vibe you get from that thread – and PF in its entirety – takes matters to a whole different level. I’ve no doubt some members only feel safe on the forum, while being aware of all the gossip and nastiness behind the scenes.

What they’re doing isn’t healthy. And the PF team seems to love the adulation, encouraging such fantasies which clearly go too far.

Later Edit

If anything, this is proof that the comradery on PF is meant to stay withing the boundaries of imagination and never be transposed into real life connections.

In truth, interaction between members unfolds as follows:

They are not allowed to send private messages until they have been on the forum for some time; a standard time is not specified; I therefore assume one is given the green light by moderators at a time of their choice.
They are constantly encouraged not to befriend other members too soon, as well as report those they see as “suspicious”.
An uninvited attempt to get to know someone better is regarded as harassment, even following positive signals from the other member.
Posting certain details about oneself is also forbidden and can result in a ban. This happened recently to someone who posted a link to a dating profile. They see someone revealing their face as an act of aggression, though  that is most welcome in any other online environment, as most people  deem it a sign of trust.
So let’s say there’s a situation where two members, at least one being new, would like to exchange details and communicate with true privacy (email, phone calls or in person), without going through the forum and having every conversation scrutinised by others. There is simply no way they can do so without the permission of those in charge. It’s impossible; there is no bridge or back alley to take.

Does that seem like a respectful way to treat other adults, by not allowing them to connect if they choose to do so? Or is it a good example of infantilising others, deciding who they can form friendships with and at what point, as well as how their interaction is allowed to take place in the meantime? Just imagine how many potential friendships between people with a similar experience never took off and how frustrating it must be in this age of limitless communication.

Cult-like dynamics are known to only make sense within said communities and this is no exception. Developing a strong attachment to such a closed community, where one has to jump through hoops not to raise suspicion and constantly walk on eggshells, is strange to say the least.

It’s sad to watch, considering the likelihood of some of the most dependent people being booted along the way.

With no intention of mocking these people, quotes such as these show the intensity of the emotional attachment some members have (at least to start with).

Post Views: 1,334

19 COMMENTS

Stefan
Hi Admin,

there’s a interesting discussion going on in your blog right now, but it’s hard to follow. Maybe you can add the “latest comments”-widget to the sidebar?

SEPTEMBER 4, 2015

 

Admin
Hi Stefan,

Sorry about that; you’re right. I’m new to WordPress and haven’t figured everything out yet; I’ll see if I can find a way to do that. If not, I might just change themes; this one is ancient anyway.

SEPTEMBER 4, 2015

 

Admin
This looks much better  .

SEPTEMBER 4, 2015

 

Caitlin
If it makes you feel any better, I also changed the formatting of my blog today! I liked the colors on the old one, but didn’t like the format. I also discovered the “read more” option today. +1 to me. Oh, and by the way, in word press you can make “pages” and you can have drop down menus for the pages. So, for example, you might have a “resources” page, but you could also have under that, menu options for “books” and “websites”.

SEPTEMBER 5, 2015

 

Maria
Today I added some revealing quotes.

MARCH 3, 2016

 

Maria
The smiley is inappropriate, I know. It’s just that some levels of appreciation were … beyond words.

MARCH 3, 2016

 

Lisa
Psychopath Free forum is an advertising vehicle for Peace’s book. They also solicit for donations? Are they a non profit society?

Peace may be cunning, shrewd, narcissistic, or whatever. impossible to know his true personality or intent without seeing him in action, in the real world. He would do well to afford others the same respect, without prying into their lives, through whatever means.

It is too easy to use the excuse that he, or ‘they’ if mods are included, can’t take any risks with the safety of the community. This can be a very self serving, manipulative tactic. An interactive forum, where anonymity is an issue, creates what is essentially, a ‘psychopathic space,’ where the potential for all kinds of abusive behavior, based on any number of factors, can be put into motion.

That the new member is not anonymous to the admin and mods, but in Pf’s case, the mods are anonymous to the new member, creates a power imbalance, from the get-go.

Power imbalances are exactly what a trauma victim should be leery of. Also, PF’s encouraging distance from family and friends, though perhaps positive in intent (who knows?) encourages dependency and can create a cult like atmosphere.

I imagine Miss Havisham, the Dickens character, jilted on her wedding day, presiding over the carcass of that sad event, with lap top, clicking away on PF, worms crawling through her food.

The forum is very public relations oriented, so don’t expect to find too much on it that highlight its weaknesses. They are scrubbed out immediately. You know…to keep members, ‘safe.’

How pure, white, angelic, utopian. Heaven or Nazi Germany? Perhaps a Stalinist style cyber state, full of ‘dreamers.’ You’d have to be asleep, not to notice something’s not slightly amiss.

Thanks for article, Maria. Keep up excellent work!

MARCH 3, 2016

 

Maria
He even mentioned the comparison to a Nazi or communist dictator being irrelevant, out of that supreme desire to keep members ”safe”.

Those posts I quoted were just so creepy. ”My saviour, my seraph, my leader”… I honestly feel sorry for these people and the trust they put in this guy and his forum.

Honestly, I don’t want to mock anybody, I just find the level of idealisation creepy.

MARCH 3, 2016

 

Lisa
Plus…I feel it’s fine for mods and admins to be angry on occasion but the whole-hearted indulgence of anger and the zeal behind it, the lashing out, insults…is so shameful on their part. Everyone who has been kicked off and posted here have a few things in common. They are well educated, articulate and can think for themselves.

Pf forum mods and Peace may be triggered by those who stand their ground and remain objective, while they go bananas. They may be repeating dynamics they had with their own abusers, on the forum, with more cerebral, less openly emotional posters.

Faced with the histrionics of some of the mods, former partners, be they pathological or otherwise, may have refused to engage. It may have been too disturbing. This would be interpreted as coldness — and it may have been. But it could also be self preservation on the part of former partners. So people who are more calm and analytical trigger the mods. Does this make sense?

Fundamentalist religions and cults rely on emotional heat. People who are not as much that way, throw a blanket over the flames needed for hot roiling cry-me-a-river, in perpetuity, mentality that keep it all going. Peace isn’t a saviour. He’s a snake handling, self styled ‘miracle worker,’ under a revivalist big tent, surrounded by mods who like being hyped up and angry.

MARCH 4, 2016

 

Anon
Amen to these posts! I was just kicked of without warning and I’m quite sure I know why. I Liked a couple of old posts by another member who was kicked off for the same post I liked. She had such a valid point and they wouldn’t hear of it or even try to hear with empathy the point she was making! This is what narcs/socios do! To be honest I was just telling myself that I was becoming a little too addicted to the site and when I liked that post I had a feeling I get kicked off but thought I was just being paranoid. Sure enough! Luckily I’m much further in my recovery and don’t “need” that site and had been seeing way too many cult red flags. but I’ve seen people go inactive early on when they were traumatized and they probably slipped up and didn’t even know they slipped up and got booted. That could have put them over the edge! How ironic that a bunch of narcs are running that site. Any healthy person would’be sent an email letting you know what they didn’t like and asking you not to do it again–you know, a mature give and take conversation?! There are many books written by professionals to help you In you healing. You’d be much safer with those. Or try graceformyheart. He does narcissist Fridays–good stuff!

JUNE 13, 2016

 

Maria
The lot on that site seems frightened of an open dialogue, for some reason. Their chosen tactic seems to be avoidance.

JUNE 13, 2016

 

Lisa
Anon, yes, the fun never stops over on Psychopath Free. If you don’t mind me asking, what pseudonym was the poster using whose post you ‘liked.’ As it is a pseudonym, I am pretty sure the poster wouldn’t mind. Maria, is this okay?

JUNE 18, 2016

 

Maria
I imagine so. It can always be edited out if the former member finds it here and objects to that.

JUNE 18, 2016

 

maggie
There are a lot of good people on PF but the problem is if you suggest a bit of introspection on why you ignored red flags or allowed these disordered people in your world you will be banned immediately. Apparently a disorder person is so cunning they can come into your world and in a day manipulate you into cheating on your husband and it’s no fault of yours, you were just seduced by some evil genius. I have been part of a few other forums dealing with personality disorders and whenever a disagreement arose the mods would send you an email with a warning, on PF your put inactive without warning and for very minor disagreements or if they just feel your giving the wrong advice, like you know working on yourself.

JUNE 24, 2016

 

Lisa
Hi Maggie,

The whole ‘other woman,’ issue on recovery forums is radioactive. It should be handled with the greatest amount of tact possible. If you are a woman whose husband had an affair, it makes sense, just through sheer pattern recognition and how we are wired, to filter the experiences of others, through what you yourself went through. If you have been the other woman and subject to an incredibly adept liar…same.

As Maria has highlighted here, approaching relationships in a one-size-fits-all way, as many forums do, isn’t the way to go.

JUNE 26, 2016

 

Maria
There are so many things which can go wrong when women who were cheated on attempt to support women who actively participated in breaking up the relationships or marriages of others. Of course I don’t want to judge or stereotype, but there is subjectivity involved; there naturally would be.

Just as there naturally would be a tendency for some people to ease their guilt about doing the above by convincing themselves they were seduced by psychopaths.

It’s a very murky issue with so many variables.

Like you said, a lot of tact is needed. Which is exactly what that forum lacks.

Just recently on that thread I linked to, a woman was being pushed in many directions for having an affair with a “p” behind the back of an alcoholic husband. You could see the bias in many responses; some empathised with the husband, ignoring how difficult her own situation might be, whilst others were dead set on the fact that she was involved with a dangerous psycho who was seducing her against her will. The only one who knows the details and can figure it out is the woman herself – no one else has that kind of insight into her life. But it’s easy to give verdicts when these forums enable you to project your own issues onto someone else.

JUNE 26, 2016

 

Lisa
Forum members facing contentious issues on forums, where they feel they have to defend themselves, have to be careful that they don’t become so specific about their lives that they are recognizable to friends, family, associates, etc…I see this as a major flaw of divulging too much personal information online.

On a recovery forum, many members are already in a highly emotional state. They can’t help BUT judge others. Regardless of how much the new member divulges in her (or his) defence, fellow forum members will still pigeonhole based on archetypes; the monster husband, the hideous wife, the horrible step mother, the licentious slut, the creepy old crone.

Ideally, administrators and moderators should have the ability to remain somewhat detached and objective, so they are able to diffuse some of these dynamics. It’s a tough one, because the mod has to wade into the mixed realm of emotional need, moral perspective, psychology, culture AND power and deal with it all in a civil way.

Obviously PF has chosen to simply delete that which it cannot deal with as ‘Peace’ and the other mods won’t take the time, or aren’t able.

JUNE 26, 2016

 

Mistral
Plus…I feel it’s fine for mods and admins to be angry on occasion but the whole-hearted indulgence of anger and the zeal behind it, the lashing out, insults…is so shameful on their part. Everyone who has been kicked off and posted here have a few things in common. They are well educated, articulate and can think for themselves.

Yeah – what IS that all about. I’ve watched that play out, time and again like some kind of ritual witch-burning or Lord of the Flies routine. From 0-100 in a heartbeat. No warning, no calm explanations, just straight for the nuclear button. Is it unresolved PTSD or something more permanent?

OCTOBER 28, 2016

 

Maria
It must be the real satisfaction they get out of running a site like that.

OCTOBER 28, 2016

 

 

New article on Psychopath Free: “What if they’re not a sociopath?”

 

July 30, 2016