Recovered post and comments.
Through the kindness of someone who has emailed screenshots of a recent internal debacle at PF, former members who still return to this blog can see the their practices questioned and discussed, and of course justified (quite poorly, I might add).
It appears that a number of long-term members are openly challenging the team’s treatment of them, the response being that they have formed a mutinous clique and there can be no other clique than the one in charge. The sycophancy of some, who accept this authority of PF over their life decisions, is fairly disturbing.
The dispute involved a long term member, admonished for the apparently inexcusable crime of having invited her ex to a conversation… last year. And having maintained a business-related channel for him to contact her, which obviously is related to her livelihood. Arguably, a normal group of friends would not attempt to get this person to overdramatise the presumed danger she has put herself in by simply contacting said ex, let alone chastise her for it. That’s not what emotional support is about. But then again, this is no normal group of friends, but Fahrenheit 451 with a twist of sour lemons.
On the PF mother ship, one is no longer allowed to be human. Being human is a sign of imperfection; a transgression of ideological purity. They cannot see how their attitude of excluding people for normal human interaction with “undesirables” renders them as bigoted as fundamentalist Mormons, who mandate that remaining with a partner/ spouse is an absolute, regardless of other factors. It comes from a need to control what others do, to regulate the details of other people’s lives.
When someone is truly empathetic, they listen. They take your life experience into account and seek to learn from it just as you might learn from them. Throwing the book at people on a constant basis is reserved for preachers and hypocritical moralists; it indicates distance and superficiality, not friendship.
“She received an email and came here to get help and reinforcement to not respond, which was the right thing to do. After several days of pages and feedback form other members, it appeared she was going to ignore the hoover. What happened next though is she popped up in here a couple of weeks later with this dramatic, attention-grabbing thread written in ALL CAPS, as if it were breaking news, bragging about 1000% validation for doing everything she was told NOT to do. (…)
But the arrogance and false bravado with which she bragged about it and took offence with certain members and administrators who didn’t “congratulate” her for her supposed “closure” and breaking NC was a big part of the issue. It was only when she received some feedback from seasoned veterans that she didn’t want to hear, that she wanted her thread taken down. But then she started another thread, thanking members for their support in this thread and passive-aggressively complaining about the members who did not express unwavering support. That thread was taken down.” (Smitten Kitten)
Quick recap here, in more realistic terms. The member sought their advice but did not follow it, as, lo and behold, it was, ultimately, her life. Her choice turned out to work better for her than theirs. Instead of being happy that she was in a better place, they were outraged that she dared to break the community rules. Because in the end, it was all about them, not her, though they wouldn’t benefit or suffer whatsoever as a result of her choice. Them or anyone else on this planet. It was such a terrible affront that they never stopped to contemplate that she was, in fact, feeling better about her situation. You’d think they were trying to dissuade this woman from joining ISIS.
If you read through this admin’s entire account of matters, it’s rather bemusing.
“Honestly I am sick of PF becoming a place where the admins are accused of wrongdoing for reacting in an adult way to non-adult situations.” (Peace)
I recall the numerous cases, on this blog alone (not to mention other platforms), of members banned out of the blue, without an explanation, even after requesting one. An adult would at least dignify a supposed friend of a few years with a quick response. Is that so emotionally straining? What about the way they treated Thomas Sheridan, with a hysterical and vicious smear campaign? Is that an adult way to do things?
“While folks may say or do things out of pain, that doesn’t erase the hurtful effects that those words & actions have on their recipients. Yes, we are all human. That doesn’t make it okay to blame a website or friend for one’s internal discomfort.” (Peace)
How about applying not blaming a friend for one’s internal discomfort when thinking of those “hurtful effects” then? Do some people have more of a right to be hurt by others and act on it? How is it so unbearable to be questioned that you have to exclude this person from the communal entourage, cutting them off from everyone else?
“People here declare abuse or judgement or censorship because they aren’t validated 100% for everything they do.” (Peace)
When you react with such effervescence to common actions they take, and declare them potentially unfit for your group of straight-thinkers, excuse people for taking offence. I’d say a mirror is required here. It’s them who don’t validate you through what they choose to do with their lives in the end, and you find that unacceptable. You find them unworthy of speaking to unless they adhere to your exact guidance. Because you couldn’t possibly find valuable insight in someone else’s experience. You’re way above learning about life.
“That’s not how growth works.” (Peace)
Perpetually failing to address concerns or criticism, by blocking people and running away, is not how growth works either. You might as well cover your ears and start humming. Unless of course, you think in your case growth is no longer required, because you’ve already achieved the status of an all-knowing being.
“PF is not an echo chamber to validate and say “yes you’re right” to everyone all the time.” (Peace)
That’s exactly what it is, only in reverse. Admins and mods have an imperious need to be validated by other people living their lives by each letter in their program. If you fail to comply, you are of no use to them anymore.
“If anyone else would like to leave, they are welcome to do so. Please just contact us privately, instead of these dramatic public exits.” (Peace)
Quite a leap from seeing members off, or even their fellow admins and mods, with a rotten tomato fair-well party, accusing them of being disordered. I assume those were not dramatic exists.
“I 1000% agree with what you all have written here and especially in connection with what I have recently been astonished and confused by in witnessing in connection to the arrogance with regard to PF where some members feel that its theirs and theirs alone so, it might be perceived as “anything goes”. The statement of, “US against the admins” reminded me of a line from Lord of the Flies. REALLY????” (Phoenix)
I don’t know about entitlement to speak your mind on a forum of so-called unconditional friends – I’d worry more about the entitlement of someone else’s life being yours to manage, and the idea that not following your directives and contradicting your perspective is offensive. This person realised she didn’t have to do what they dictated. That she could choose for herself and surprisingly, it could have better results.
“On reflection, and simply put, a moment of strait talking and the resultant shock, can save years of unnecessary emotional abuse after taking a step back and properly “digesting” and evaluating. In my view, PF has always been about “the greater good, for the greater number”, never the reverse.” (Phoenix)
Explain to me how this is different than a fundamentalist religious group. Preemptive saving of the congregation. Do not speak to this person even once because he’ll end up convincing you to go back and you will suffer for years. Do not look at that Playboy as you will end up having orgies and getting HIV. These people don’t know where they themselves will be in five years’ time, let alone someone else.
The crux of the matter is their quest is not to help individuals – otherwise they would at least take a moment to be happy for them when their lives improve. Individuals don’t matter; the cult mentality does.
“We thought closing registrations would help calm things down and make it easier to keep the peace without an influx of new trolls, but of course that doesn’t solve the problem of existing trolls who are already here.” (Smitten Kitten)
She is referring to someone who had been there for years, not a “troll”. Regardless of how well you think these people know you, trusting they would never class you as such, surprise.
“Instead, there seems to be some new kind of arrogance that’s developed in some of the membership, where they act like they’re part of an exclusive club now and they act like that gives them the right to complain about us whenever they feel like it.” (Smitten Kitten)
Pure lese-majeste, which is French for an affront to royalty, or authority, by association. Subversion, no less.
Perhaps said members are connecting privately and starting to realise what really goes on. There should be little doubt with regards to what admins think they’re running there. It has nothing to do with friendship or even consideration towards others, let alone helping vulnerable people, and everything to do with control and self-aggrandisement.
Maria
I had a good laugh at those Terms of Service again, because in actuality, they tell you nothing, except that you have no clear rights at any time. Yes, they are followed by rules, which one presumes everyone has to follow (and thus will be protected by), but since the terms mention everything is discretionary at all times, they matter very little.“The providers (“we”, “us”, “our”) of the service provided by this web site (“Service”) are not responsible for any user-generated content and accounts (“Content”). Content submitted express the views of their author only.
We reserve the rights to remove or modify any Content for any reason without explanation. We reserve the right to take action against any account with the Service at any time.
These terms may be changed at any time without notice.”
So basically they don’t know what they’re in for. And they’re supposed to be so desperate they disregard that. No rules for the team (none at all), and no safeguards for members.
The catch here is that this safeguard for admins was put in place years after many registered and were already shoulder-deep into the so-called support network. In fact, not long after, they closed registrations altogether. So admins cannot honestly claim most members agreed to these terms and knew what to expect, as they don’t apply retroactively.
SEPTEMBER 19, 2017
melissa
Really. In hindsight.I was ripped to shreds by a member who after five years..still was stuck on the “freak” as she called him. She was an impoverished soul. She had nothing in life but PF..she literally created this delusion in her head..presumably maybe from the isolation and PF being her only connection to the world..albeit. A very toxic one..anyway. She said I was pretending to be a nurse and working on my educational.pursuits. what troubled me..was none of the admins said a word to her. Now. Anyone who has been a nurse for the over 20 years I have done this..would be HIGHGLY upset . as being a burse is VERY hard work. So. It was at this point..that I slowly began to sniff the shit. I knew. With time. I wasn’t gonna be able to do this ring around the rosy dance anymore . and it happened. Thank God. I was banished..haha!
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
Maria
I guess once you learn that it’s OK to express any type of suspicion towards others, you just do it as a reflex, with no worries of being wrong or absurd.
And it is surreal when strangers throw these bold claims in other people’s faces.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
melissa
This is so true. People can say just about anything..and even get others to support them. I became so angry in the end..I gave my full name and Facebook address so that anyone could look me up and see I was fully who I am.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
Maria
The admins had your details anyway; they check up on people to make sure they are who they say they are. Or they used to, anyway. They even check browsing histories, I was told. Apparently there is a way to do this.
The highest probability is that they were totally aware that this member was launching false accusations, and yet they said nothing.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
James
After all these years, the same names and all have nothing to show for their lives apart from being PFers. Creepy when you think about it.SEPTEMBER 21, 2017
Melissa
Well. This is the truth. The admins are doing well..peace has taken many lovely vacations. And even said on the forum the reason he doesnt spend time on there so much is he cant take the ” splitting” or drama. Really? No ine said a word to his pompous arrogant statement. I guess mo ey went to his uead..and he DID change. No longer had any concern for us struggling pions who just didnt have the MEANS to pamper our entitled souls and had to love the day to day reality of making it ….without an adoring audience..or funding.NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
I have no idea about their lives, yet it seems they still derive the same imagined sense of authority from the forum and clamping down on disobedience. I understand it must be difficult to leave for those who have established emotional bonds with others there. But in the end, this is what happens.SEPTEMBER 21, 2017
James
You can be banished in a second and go from trusted forum member to enemy of humanity in a split second. No second chances, just instant hate and vitriol unleashed.SEPTEMBER 21, 2017
Maria
That’s why it’s so strange and cult-ish. Basically many people participating (investing emotionally and revealing very private issues) under the false impression of being in a safe environment, when in fact it’s anything but safe. It’s exploitative. Because while they are under that false impression they try to “help the cause” (donate, promote the book, promote that line of thinking in general). By the time they realise what is going on (which can take years for some people) they will have played their part in promoting this exaggerated narrative, that the world is full of dangerous disordered people lurking around every corner. And in some cases they will have damaged relationships in their real lives based on such suspicions. Then they are left with the thought that a bunch like the PF team has got their private details.SEPTEMBER 21, 2017
melissa
That was ME. I rocked the boat on that thread. Was banished. I have never been so happy and free. Spoke my mind. And today..I am happy.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
Maria
It’s great that you got rid of that environment and that you’re feeling much better. No one needs to be told what to think and do on an everyday basis (or ever).
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
James
a scientific insight into the deeply twisted psychosis of PF mods. It’s all about them and their own miserable existences being projected onto others so they do not have to face what miserable wretches they are themselves.http://reason.com/blog/2017/03/01/moral-outrage-is-self-serving
OCTOBER 12, 2017
Maria
Thank you for posting that.Yes, it has become apparent that especially now, with the far reach of the internet, that dynamic is no longer limited to village witch burning. There is a way now for these people to mount elaborate campaigns against complete strangers, which they think vindicate them personally.
OCTOBER 12, 2017
melissa
Oh wait. They have also disabled PF donations..hmm. Guess the new book is gonna make enough money those assgoles don’t need to exploit OUR honest donations to fatten their bank accounts. What crock of shit. Omg. How could I have been so blind. Fuckers even used an article I wrote. Batards:)
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
Maria
I wonder what all that money was really spent on. “Spreading awareness” is a very vague way to put it. What kind of awareness spreading did they engage in, aside from posting on social media, maintaining the forum and peddling the first book? This appears to be quite common with such groups, purporting to spread an ideology. “Donate to our cause”. With some charities as well. And often it turns out some of the money goes into advertising… to reach more people and get more money. And the rest disappears. Regardless, I bet a large number of those who donated were banned afterwards, not without being mistreated first.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
melissa
This is so true. People can say just about anything..and even get others to support them. I became so angry in the end..I gave my full name and Facebook address so that anyone could look me up and see I was fully who I am.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
melissa
As far as donations. ReallY? We all were to believe these wonderful angelic winged beings:) were just graciously spending hours of time on a support forum and NOT being paid anything. Come on now. That’s what the MEMBERS were doing. Not the team. Seriously. Come on now.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
melissa
And peace is / was such a man of stellar character ..that they had NO PROBLEM with him getting rich off sales of books and they got NADA? Seriously. I am laughing now that ANYONE would believe that..I did. Laughing at me
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
Maria
Is seems improbable for them to have gained nothing in that sense (though Thomas knew them better and many were middle or upper class and already enjoyed a privileged lifestyle, so perhaps they were not in need of money; however, this concept of awareness spreading remains vague and nebulous).
It reminds me of a “truther” icon, the founder of a group called We Are Change, proven to have scammed (royally) a large number of people for his own benefit. And many others of this ilk. Stefan Molyneux etc. They’re all “working for the common good”, which proves to be their own aggrandisement or pocket or both.
NOVEMBER 17, 2017
Melissa
I will be honest. I am thumper. And reading the post discard impression management peace did makes me SAD. I never demanded they banish any memeber. This member went from hating me openly..to sending me private kessages of how dear i was to her. It was so confusing..i went to smitten to ask adive. Was told she was offering an olive branch..and i should accept her reachimg out. I was going throigh moving my psychopath..real psychopath..mom. out of my home. I couldnt nor didnt have time to respomd to thIS PERSONS PRIVATE MESSAGES. i just didnt. I was realing from the abuse at my MOMS hands. I found happiness when she left. I went i ward..sought so.itude for awhile. This member then ripped je to shreds for not respond9ng to her private messages fast enough. I never ..never. asked for her to be banned. I expressed true humble himan emotion in the face of this bizarre person..who couldnt get…i was going through a whole lot. He lied. Peace. And this is my validation..what he said..of what they really are…it makes ke SAD. As so many vulnerable people trust them…i am sick to my stomach.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
I found that story rather strange when reading it, as hysterical people (such as the member who thought you should make the forum a priority over your personal life) do quite well on PF, whilst those banned tend to be the reasonable and logical. It doesn’t surprise me at all that it was a bold lie. That is what they do after all. They make things up. And it’s surreal for those of us who don’t go through life inventing false accusations, but there are quite a few who do just that. It’s a shitty experience, to see just how bold and remorseless they are in lying, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
Sorry about spellimg errors. I am not privalged. And have a cracked ipad..
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
Don’t worry about that; it’s still legible.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
Thank you. And where peace has the “us versus admins” that isnt my full sentence. Of course my stuff got deleted before he put that response. The sentence was..this is not US against admins. He did that on purpose to make it look like i had said something else…as another member then called it like lord of the flies. He teisted it all up. And really smeared me..by buidling himself up…” happiness is internal, i dont need validation” blah blah he wrote. Then said i SAID i had ptsd…which i did…the whole thing left me ONCE again. Traumatized. Has taken me six months to come here and talk.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
I’m really sorry this has put you in such a bad place; I know how betrayal, smearing and undeserved hatred feels.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
In the end. This all actually helped me to realize the unreality that so many people, esp on that forum. Exist. Ok. Your not special. You got duped by a con people. Dont care how pretty, privalgead, nicy nicy you are. It happens. It hurts. It is an eye opener. I was conned after being conned by a psychopath booyfriend on a forum. It happened. It sucks. It hurts. They are making alot of money off peoples legitmate pain. I see that. I learned the lesson. Lets hope others will do the same.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
I guess half of our existence consists of pain and fear and disappointment. I don’t think anyone can bypass all the shit we all eventually experience. What they have there at PF is a very good con, “come to us and help us save the world from the types who hurt you”. Emotional motivation from the very beginning, so you can supply useful ideas, numbers (membership), time and money towards a phony project.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
Yep.To me, it felt good to find a place where ” understanding ” of my own horrid experience was found. So i thought. Afterwaards, i did do extsnsive research and found all kinds of old communications ( on the web) between peace ..and others who were questionsing thomas sheridan. That really sent up alot of red flags. The communications from peace were so clear to be damage control. Where as sheridan and others were prety much like..man. fucck this..its bullshit.lol. i did feel a slight humi.iation for having been conned by mr peacelovingniceguy…but that quickly passed with the realzation that my own INDIVIDUATION was truly a threat to groupthink. Towards the end, i did begin posting alot that a pretty small percentage of the population are in fact..psychopaths. a whole lot of people can simply be jerks, be selfish at times. On and on. That also became a thorn to them. I stand now with a lovely and honest. Realistic view of life. There is both sacred and profane in this world…most all of us have a mix of all that makes life what it IS. An expereince.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
I know what you’re saying. Those labels should not be thrown around lightly. Good people are capable of really shitty behaviour at times. After long years of reflection and self-analysis I came to the same conclusion; there is good and bad in all of us. There is trauma in all of us and we all have some unhealthy behavioural patterns; for some people they get out of control. I associate psychopathy with extremes, such as the ability to ruin someone’s life without looking back, to murder, to torture etc. The rest is all a grey area. What I am sure of is that there are no saints and angels.Were you aware they had become enmeshed with an actual flying saucer cult and the cult was (and probably still is) collecting information on all members? I surely wasn’t.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
I also. In hindsight. Found it quite off putting that ..say. someone who dated a psychopath for ..oh. 8 months. Would equally believe that there struggle and or recovery could even be compared to someone who ..say. was married to and had children with a psychoapth for most of their loves. To be left penniless, had their children stripped away. Or. Ended up in shelters. On and on. There ARE differences in the fall out. I saw more people banned who had spent half their lives, had children, had PARENTS who were psychopaths. For not being empatheitc enough..or compassionate. Blah blah. Here is what i gotta say to that. Those people got out of bed. And had ENOUGH humanity in them to reach out and share. Thats enough. They are enough as they are. Ok. Sorry. On my siap box. Just. Really learned alot.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
I noticed that as well. Their… support seems geared towards broken romantic relationships but not much else. Also, a few of the higher-ups haven’t actually started families of their own, aside from being rich, as I understood from Thomas, so they would have little understanding of the drain that a custody battle is, financial struggles, members’ inability to cut ties etc. At least that was the case a few years ago. The thing is they have little empathy for what disadvantaged people struggle with on a daily basis.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
This is exactly what the above mentioned was trying to explain to them about their life. They did not live in privaledge. And jobs are not easy to find in their country. This does not make a person disordered. It means they are finding ways to LIVE. Based on the reality of their own individual circumstance. Every human beimg does have their own LIFE that needs to be LIVED. By them. It isnt up to me or anyone on any recovery forum to tell them how to do that. I will say. Living as a nurse who works with child services and thereby does encounter TRUE psychopathy..many survivors roll up their sleaves. Get into the muck…Live the reality .and carry on..quietly. those people have genuine STORIES of survival under the worst of circumstance. And yet. They QUIETLY carry on in life. Rebuild. Towards the end, i became more and more touched by the struggles and determination..courage. of those who LIVED with quiet dignity, then the nameless faceless complaints of boyfriend/ girlfriend dumped the FABULOUS me..they are a psychopath. Meh! Mentality on PF.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
Yes, you are right, most stories are just carried with dignity, in silence, and never exposed. And any support certainly does not come from the PF money-making propaganda machine.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
I will say one more thing. I did attempt to befriend and share numbers with a couple of people. One text me at three oclock in the morning saying i had huge boundary issues and needed to get help. I had no idea wtf. Turned out someone had given her info to a mary kay consultent..and she assumed it was me. I was like. I dont even wear make up:) not to metnion a three am text about non sense is kinda a boundary issue:)this is when i knew..i think i have entered the twilight zone. Thank you again for this blog. I needed to talk this out after 6 months of brewimg inward. To gain the lessons and wisdom. I truly hope more people get oit of that swamp. I really really do.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
I hope so as well. I assume this person was hyper-vigilant and made a mistake. And I assume that most people there have one issue or another, after whatever experience they’ve had. Or maybe that’s just their nature, for some. Befriending strangers is always taking a chance. Sometimes it’s totally worth it but other times… you wish you hadn’t tried.
You don’t need to thank me at all. I did start it based on PF and recovery forums in general, after the short but strange experience I had there, yet kept on writing about other issues. I guess when writing is in your blood you just do it; can’t help it, really. And two years later, people are still coming out of there describing the same mistreatment. They will, someday, run out of people to control and mess with. I’m glad the blog helps at least as a place to vent about what happened. And obviously, this is not some trivial “I got kicked off a forum” complaint. People feel violated and have every right to do so. After all, the forum gains their complete trust and invites them to disclose their most intimate feelings and details. It’s like a psychologist or a priest laughing “backstage”, along with peers, about sensitive information disclosed in all confidence. And vilifying the person, overtly or not. It’s a betrayal of the highest amount of trust given at their own invitation.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Melissa
Another important note .In the screen shots above, one of the memebrs commenting had at one time or another. Truly posted what seemed to be almost schizophrenic like hallucinations( talking about very unusual stuff…and having hired guards to protect their alliance..and such) many memebers were concerned when a moderator actually began encouraging this talk. One member of course ended up banned due to saying this memebr was incoherent and sounded like they were describing a horror movie. Anyway. Again. I had a horrid gut feeling this memeber was soon to be the NEW SORTA PASTY FOR THEM.as it was clear, they were mentally fragmented and delusional. The whole place really needs to be shut down.
NOVEMBER 18, 2017
Maria
They would encourage anything, I imagine, if it played into the P narrative.
NOVEMBER 19, 2017
Melissa
I liked this girl. She was being groomed..through her fragile mind. To be a flying monkey. I know this now. She and i were friends..i tried to help her connect with reality gently…sadly. they won. I really feel ashamed i fell for the shit..yah know. I am a very compassionate person…a bit eccentric. Solitude my guide. Being on there was the first time in my life i felt group belonging..and yet. I felt this anxious. Awful…burning in my xiphoid process most the time. When i was canned…it stopped. Immediately. I felt like i uad been in a trance. I do wonder how much NLP they use.
NOVEMBER 19, 2017
Melissa
I know many people are afraid to speak up…i am not…i live an honest life. A bit eccentric..which is a positive. Now. After six months, and healimg. I see the cult. And i honestly can bet my life…they wanted to push me to suicide…as on another thread..smitten made the comment that gettimg a person to kill themselves would make them feel like a God. She was giving a TELL. One very popular author . After it all went down. Contacted me on facebook. Said can you imagine the arrogance of hav8ng a person feel they have the right to tell another how to live.This has been an incredible journey.
NOVEMBER 19, 2017
anonymous
I am one of those who was very, very afraid to speak up and based on years of stories I learned of all the leaders of that site, how it became, how some left, and on and on. It was very very scary to me so I just walked away. I saw how administrators and moderators have alias’s all over the internet on different forums (Amazon, PF Facebook page, Facebook to name a few). You can not escape their search for you. Once you become a member of that site they know your IP. They know where you live and what your name is. You become a thorn in their side and they will find you. That will be after banning. These people eat, live and breathe the internet. So some people are very, very fearful of such behaviors and possible retaliation. Perhaps this is what they want and is part of their bullying tactics and treatment online.
NOVEMBER 22, 2017
Melissa
Hi. Thank yoi for sharing. Its ok to speak your truth. It truly is. They cant hurt you.
NOVEMBER 23, 2017
Melissa
Oh. I want to write that clear.On a thread where someone was bashing people who had affairs, smitten came on and said the only thing that would make a psychopath feel mmore alive,would be getting a person to kill themselves, then they could feel like God. It really made my gut twist and turn. It was the way she said it..almost with conviction…or some personal knowledge of why they do that. That is just my opnion.
NOVEMBER 19, 2017
Maria
They certainly love to inflict as much humiliation as possible; maybe it does take one to know one.
NOVEMBER 19, 2017
Melissa
And. Right before i was banned. People were questioning. On one thread, victoria was trying hard to convince another long term memeber that smitten was a very compassionate women. This member wasnt buying it. Victoria was trying hard. But this member was really starting to have huge doubts. The above screen shots …really. that all came from a couple months of more and more members starting to create some waves, going. Hold up. Wtf. It is odd to me that peace would support this trusted member ..who posted an absolutely delusional post about ME…and i even gave evidence. My name…my facebook page. So people could see for themselves. And he supported her as trustworthy.
NOVEMBER 19, 2017
Maria
It doesn’t seem that he has ever cared about who was right or wrong, telling the truth or lying.
NOVEMBER 19, 2017
Melissa
It was about getting what he wanted. *sigh*Supply.
Hard lesson learned.
NOVEMBER 20, 2017
anonymous
Purposely have stayed away from anything related to PF the past year and now have poked around somewhat as some bizarre Facebook thing happened to me recently that triggered an unmet issue having left that online forum a few years ago yet after being very much hurt by the treatment of moderators and administrators. That entire experience, which lasted about two years, was a significant part of my personal therapy in understanding why I fell so quickly and so easily into such a cult like online atmosphere. It is really, really frightening to step away from that microcosm , heal and rebuild one’s life in the real world with real people, and then get semi-close to it again. It is truly dysfunctional and those people are really cruel. It is just plain sickening.It appears to me that Peace is really trying to clean up his persona and reputation now that there are a lot of damaging things being said about his team and him on Amazon and here, to name just two sources. Now he only lists articles written by him and no access to member comments. At the end of each and every article is a mention of his new book coming out in 2018 and by his real name. It looks like PF website is now more in alignment with the book of the same title and an offshoot of writings and articles only by Peace and that support that and no more blogging or comments or interactions aside from a private online group (and by the looks of the screen shots and comments it appears that isn’t doing well). PF has always been a money-making venture for Peace the author and maybe it truly was healing but he was only in a toxic relationship for several months. Not sure where he gleans all his expertise on the subject, but it clearly looks like he’s trying to take the author of life experiences route. There is another article over there that they ended the non-profit venture. This is most likely due to the bad press.
NOVEMBER 21, 2017
Melissa
If you research, you will see a pattern of him teaming up with other expert authors..all adoring each other..all supporting each others books. On amazon. One amazing councelor who isnt famous said his book was bunk. Another..who by the way…he supports as a valued source of info..praised him so much it was nauseating. And the time frame between the two..one coming out..the other supporting. Its a pattern.
NOVEMBER 23, 2017
Suzanne
I’m delighted to have found this blog. I have just been banned because I dared to resist the diagnosis of my most recent ex as an N/P/S. I joined PF in 2013 after discovering the truth about my boyfriend. He was most definitely a P. Complete with secret life and all. And the forum helped me. I met some lovely people and accepted that there was little I could have done to prevent this thing that happened to me. Fast forward a few years and I’ve had some major issues in my latest relationship that involved lying. So I went back to PF for support. My mind racing, telling me I’d met another one. And boy were the members quick to tell me he was. That I was just supply and I meant nothing to him and I was a hapless victim and I needed to educate myself.They were either deliberately or accidentally misunderstanding every single post and I kept having to clarify things for them. They simply would not accept that my ex’s wife had cheated on him (it was all part of the pity ploy), they were adamant that every word out of him mouth was a lie. And they’ve never met him. I pushed back one time and I was banned.
They are absolute crackpots. I think that, maybe, because I wasn’t very active, I n3ver really realised. The people I talked to when I was first on there were all lovely but I do remember one woman getting banned and we never knew why. But by that time, I was healing and moving on with my life. I wished I could find her because I liked her but that was all.
They are entirely dissatisfied with you if you move on, question their creed or basically be a grown up who doesn’t fall in line. Urgh. What a bunch. Keep up the good work. Expose, expose, expose.
MARCH 30, 2018
Maria
Hi Suzanne,Thank you for your comment; I’m glad you’re free of that toxic bunch.
At the moment I have no idea what is going on there as visitors are unable to read the forum.
From what you’re saying it’s the same old story of attempted brainwashing, getting off on their narrative and banning anyone who disagrees. Still on the control freak train.
MARCH 30, 2018
Suzanne
Completely as you say. I was told off by one of the donors for not being angry with my (ex) boyfriend. Like white hot fury anger. Of course I’m angry about the lying but it doesn’t mean he was a P or whatever. He said he would send me some proof of what he was telling me and I shared this on there and they descended like locusts, telling me it would be fabricated and I couldn’t trust anything he was saying. So I wished them well and told them I didn’t think this was the forum for me anymore.I also sent a PM to someone I had been chatting to saying that I felt like it had changed since I went away and that it was too aggressive for me. So it could have been either action that got me banned. Whichever it was, I know it is all down to me being capable of thinking for myself and not accepting a diagnosis of the man I love from a bunch of folk on a website that I’ve never met….
This blog is very important (I’m not love bombing you there ;-))
MARCH 30, 2018
Maria
I know you’re not 🙂 . Yes, they read PMs, especially when they are watching someone closely. I suppose reading them all in real time wouldn’t have been practical when their membership was in the tens of thousands… It certainly isn’t now. They don’t accept new members and they keep banning and banning. It’s surprising there are more than 20 people still left after all this time.
MARCH 30, 2018
Suzanne
Exactly. The numbers must be way down and there really wasn’t a lot going on on the site whilst I have been there for the past two weeks. I wonder if they are trying to get all the dissenters cleared out and then they will open registration up again when the new book comes out. I’m definitely well shot of them. I wish I had got screen shots of how aggressively they were trying to convince me that this guy is disordered. It was like they were in this massive fight that meant life and death to them in case they lost me to him if he came back. One of them was so cross with me for even contemplating that he might just have messed up and be feeling guilty about it. And when I challenged her, another one said “can you not channel the indignation you showed to xxx to this man who surely deserves it”. Erm, no. I can see exactly what she did, thank you. Don’t you be telling me where my anger belongs. Last time I was active on there, most people were so supportive if you contacted your ex. Now you just get shouted at. Ah well, at least I wasn’t deep in. Feel bad for those that are. They might never get free.
MARCH 30, 2018
Maria
I guess it’s mostly radicals left now. Every time someone new posts here they notice PF on a banning spree, and the comments are months apart, so it’s a continuous banning spree with no influx of new members. Yes, it’s quite something how they project and imagine you going back to your partner would be like them going back to their ex ones. As if every person discussed on the site were exactly the same. They live in a delusional world.
MARCH 30, 2018
Maria
Also, the number of members used to appear on the homepage and was something to gloat about; now it doesn’t. I wonder why.
MARCH 30, 2018
Suzanne
Quite. It’s the magical shrinking cult. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I am. Not for me, I couldn’t give a monkey’s and had already decided I was done with the site. But I feel so bad for the people who have been booted when they were in emotional agony and have been re-traumatised by this. I know the silent treatment is abusive but how can they bang on about it when that’s what they do to people they kick off there? I haven’t bothered asking why I was “deactivated” because a) I don’t care and b) I already know it’s because I have a brain in my head and have never been very good at following the rules! But some people must be left devastated when it happens. Obviously they are better off in the long run but it must really hurt.I also almost feel sorry for the ones that are still there. For some it is their life. I saw those NC counters saying 47 months or whatever and all I could think is “why are you still here, posting every day?” But they can never move on whilst they are still being manipulated. Sigh.
MARCH 30, 2018
Maria
I feel the same way. For some it must be a lifeline, a “safe haven” (in their perception, of course) to unload emotional burdens; to feel understood. I guess once you’re stuck in that mentality (and it’s easy to become stuck) you form deep bonds with other members. Even as a habit, if it’s sustained regularly (daily, for some people) it’s difficult to break off. Unfortunately, forums work like that; once an admin takes a dislike to a member it doesn’t matter if they’ve been there for a year or two or ten. It’s a matter of pushing a button and puff, the person is gone.I have observed similar dynamics elsewhere (threats of banning and actual banning over opinions which were not contentious; it boiled down to the admin’s personal preferences). Except the platform was not based on something so sensitive but merely socialisation. But even there the same power play occurred – members being suspended for days or weeks, insulted etc, and yet they kept going back and are still there today. This thirst to run a forum into the ground and even when membership is plummeting, to keep threatening an banning the few remaining members, is something I don’t get. There must be a thrill to it; to have a personal playground and be able to command or vilify others whenever you feel like it.
People post personal information on forums when they feel safe. That’s the worst part of it. That mutual trust and respect is presumed. And whilst on other platforms one is subject to an admin’s whims, on forums like PF it’s a hundred times worse.
MARCH 30, 2018
Thomas Sheridan
PF stands for two things: Peace hiding his creepiness from the world while getting worshipped like a god. Is it not strange after all this time he is never seen on video? Why? If he is the epicentre of all goodly perfection and empathy then why is he so personally elusive? The answer is self-evident.The remainder of the dregs there are all bunny boilers, borderlines and out and out serial false accusing psychotics such as Peru, at war with their own pathological codependency.
They are all damed anyway, and have been since September 30 2012 when they cursed themselves. NOT ONE OF THEM CAN ESCAPE. It was always going to end like this, and frankly, this is only the start.
You lower yourself to that level of wickedness and contrived evil, you are walking corpse from that point on. I have even looked at some of their photos on FB – as I know their real identies – and they are falling to pieces in tandem with the self-obliteration of their own obsolete souls. They are just lab rats, demonstrating the wages of evil against people who never did them any harm. In years to come, PF will be a case study in the same way we look back at the witchhunts of the Middle Ages.
A new book? Deckchairs on the Titanic. You play the most evil game you reap the most horrific prizes. No matter how well they sell, you can not escape annihilation.
APRIL 8, 2018
Maria
They remind me of Scientology. Just reading those quotes again the other day, where one admin referred to dissenting members as “sleeper cells” “pissing themselves laughing while operating another sock puppet account”… and who “couldn’t wait to get banned”… Just for having a different opinion at one point in time. The paranoia and bitterness these people must live with daily, to react like that so quickly over nothing.It’s probably projection. They imagine someone would open multiple accounts and have fun “teasing them” because it’s probably the sort of thing they would do.
I hope some of them wake up one day. Just as some have walked away from Scientology after treating others like scum for decades. It’s fascinating to hear those stories; what actually made them do it.
APRIL 9, 2018
Thomas Sheridan
The eventual tactic is that they will champion free speech and integrity on their forum. Classic cult tactics when a cult is found out. They might even set up a ‘101 Reasons Why We Are Not a Cult’ website like all cults do.It’s always going to be a case of endless crisis management when you set yourself up as a kind of Christ-like entity surrounded by the usual Tortured Apostles…
APRIL 10, 2018
Maria
Exactly – they also discuss other cults labelled as such in order to differentiate their group from that notion. They do that on PF as well.
It seems to be common to put out the exact opposite of their intentions.It’s the same for this spawn of Scientology called Landmark forum, that I’m learning a lot about at the moment. One of their key tenets is getting participants to not care what others think – but in their seminars they use bullying, peer pressure, reporting etc to get everyone to conform. Mind-bending stuff.
In a diluted manner PF seems to work the same way.
“Never accept being told what to think or say (except by us).”
“The silent treatment is awful (except if we do it).”
“Smear campaigns are carried out by sociopaths (unless it’s us).”
“False accusations are terrible (unless they come in the context of maintaining the security of our group).”
Etc.
APRIL 10, 2018
Thomas Sheridan
I do not know the backgound of the person who worte this. But it is interesting in light of this topic.
APRIL 10, 2018
Maria
Thank you for that link; it explains a lot, not just online but regarding group dynamics in general.
APRIL 10, 2018
Suzanne
I’ve been thinking about this a fair bit lately and I’m so, so angry about it. I don’t care about me. I realised my ex isn’t a psychopath, he’s just a bit of a knob who is really selfish. But when they booted me off I got a message saying that my account had been deactivated for the following reason: Try When your lover is a liar by Susan whatshername. Now, that is not a reason. That is nothing. That isn’t telling me anything about why I’m being removed from this supposedly supportive forum. I was in a pretty bad place emotionally but I also knew I didn’t need PF anymore and I’d become rather annoyed by the tone of some of the contributors. I did not go there to be talked down to by a load of hysterical women. But what about those who are right in the middle of the storm. And they are either getting sucked in further or they just get kicked off. I feel like I want to DO something but I don’t know what. I found this brilliant blog fairly quickly after googling PF free toxic or bad or something like that. But there isn’t loads out there. I don’t know what I can do but I want to help stop people buying those books, I want to help people get outta there.At least they aren’t taking new members at the moment but they are all over Facebook and it is making me cross. What if they open their doors again and a whole new bunch of unsuspecting victims sign up. And he’s making so much money out of it. It’s making me really cross.
APRIL 14, 2018
Maria
They only knew what you told them (about your relationship). They trusted your judgement when assessing he might be a psycho but they wouldn’t trust it when you reconsidered. “Try this book instead” is basically saying they have ruled on your situation and are bent on getting you to adopt their view.Despite not knowing that much. That is creepy.I don’t know if there is any way of helping anyone out of toxic attachment to a group they have idealised. People come to their own conclusions eventually, but in the meantime they choose to wear blinders. It’s a scary acknowledgement to make after you go there and pour your heart out; you just don’t want to believe it’s all fake and potentially dangerous.
APRIL 14, 2018
Maria
It annoys me as well because I know for a fact many people who end up there would benefit from a second appraisal of their situation. Separating or divorcing is complicated enough without living in fear that you’re dealing with a monster who wants to destroy your life. There are often many things to sort out (practical issues, child custody etc) and the last thing someone needs is to become anxious or paranoid; it can affect their lucidity, their actions, their decisions. Ideally people would remain as calm as possible to sort everything out and start a new life. Going on PF to ruminate daily and imagine how their ex might hurt them is not the way to do it. Instead of focusing on their present and future they focus on their ex.
APRIL 14, 2018
Melissa
I took a long time out. After months of being free from the toxic swamp PF really is, i am grateful. I get now how vulnerable a true survivor of psychopathic abuse really IS.I have 100% clarity. And zerodoubt PF is a money making con.
APRIL 22, 2018
The Artistry Of Glorified Bullshit 