Once in a blue moon, I delve into the latest crazy PETA&Co story, wondering whether I’ve seen the limits of their imagination to date. Of course, insanity has no limits, thus making my question pointless.

This article details the prolonged targeting of a farmer for, eh… being a farmer, and the super-human determination of a nutcase to “recover” a calf from the family his pals had stolen it from. Yes, that’s right; they are now treating well-cared-for animals, bred by their owners, as they would treat people kindapped by ISIS, namely trying to rescue them from their “captors”. The calf, moreover, turned out to be a valued pet the family had named.

The saga started with an impromptu visit (trespassing, actually) from Direct Action Everywhere to the grounds, and two days later, the unsuspecting animal being lifted and taken to a shelter, to shortly be recovered by the police and brought back home. According to the author, this isn’t the first incident involving said organisation and farm animals.

The nutter in charge of the shelter then tried to buy the animal from the farmer and publicly announced he’d spare no effort in the calf’s “recovery”, the notion of theft not registering in his broccoli-tinted matter.

As a matter of fact, he declared that even if it took him twenty years, he would get the calf, by then long a cow or ox, “back” from its rightful owner.

The story, of course, continued. The farmer was attacked with allegations proven to be false and businesses he sold to were picketed in the usual fashion.

Presumably, the maniacs genuinely thought they were more attached to, and more loving towards the stolen animal while they held it, than the family who had raised it.

My message to the thieves would be as follows: a calf is just too easy to lift. Try that on with a fully grown cow or ox next time, especially if you don’t know how to handle cattle. Have its back by standing behind it through the whole process. You will likely be rewarded with a lovely hoof-shaped tattoo in the middle of your forehead, though you might class the acquiring of said tattoo as exploitation of animal labour. Fear not; the animal will do it of its own volition.

There have been publicised cases before of such activists stealing dogs, one time from a homeless man (while tackling the man to the ground), and from someone’s porch, the latter having a sadder ending, as PETA euthanised the animal before it could be found and returned to its owners. As a matter of fact, animals they receive or remove are usually euthanised within days. The fact that it was a little’s girl pet Chihuahua only made it worse.

According to the Huffington Post:

The citizens unlucky enough to share their neighborhood with PETA headquarters have long been concerned that the group will target their pets. Not many of these people have the means to pursue a civil suit against PETA, but this is why we have criminal laws: it is absurd that a family’s dogs and cats cannot be protected from the depredations of this organization.

How are these nutcases allowed to terrorise entire neighbourhoods in this manner? How are they confident enough to steal children’s pets and kill them? It’s like something out of a horror film.

Again, dear “rescue” patrols: forget calves, little girls’ Chihuahuas and puppies you can lift from homeless people. Next time, try it on with a fully grown cow. Better yet; an ox during breeding season. Remember you’ll get a bonus tattoo?