After finding this brilliant talk  given by James Veitch, who took it upon himself to answer spammers and string them along for as long as they could bear it, I started remembering the similar emails I’ve been receiving for years, which were in and of themselves extremely funny. So I dug through archives and found a few I’d forgotten to delete.

“I AM INTERESTED IN YOU”

Dearest,

I know this mail will came to you as a surprise since we haven’t known or come across each other before considering the fact that I sourced your email contact through the Internet in search of trusted person who can assist me.

My name is Miss Aniccet Warlord Ibrahim Coulibaly, I am the only child of my late father, Late Chief Sgt.Warlord Ibrahim Coulibaly (a.k.a General IB ) . My late father was a well known Ivory Coast militia leader . He died on Thursday 28 April 2011 following a fight with the Republican Forces of Ivory Coast(FRCI). You can read more about my father in the link below. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/apr/28/ivory-coast-renegade-warlord-ibrahim-coulibaly, I am 24years, female from the Republic of Ivory Coast,West Africa . I am writing this mail to call for your collaboration in a partnership business in your country, I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father’s treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. My father secretly deposited the sum of $ 7.5 million in one of bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin.

However, I shall forward to you with the necessary information of the deposit on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund in your country. I will be very happy if you can write me through me for easy communication so that we can know each other, I will give you my pictures and details about me in my next mail.

Yours Sincerely
Miss Aniccet Warlord Ibrahim

Dearest, I am so humbled to receive your trust. It’s a big world out there and you just never know when a complete stranger might turn out to be an expert in finance. Unfortunately, I’m just a cleaner. But I strongly suggest you invest in a state-of-the art device which removes chewing gum from carpets and upholstery. I promise it will make a killing. I also suggest you contact an online Voodoo practitioner to purchase some essential oils and spells to deal with your step mother. I guarantee they are very honest people, just like you. All my love.

“How”

How are you today? Hope you are fine, i am ms. bettina, i viewd your profile at  www.facebook.com
i will like us to communicate as friends for a meaningful relationship. here is my email, bettinaisa13@outlook.com  write me to my email so that i can send you my photos. waiting to read from you.
bettina

Dear Bettina, I hope you are fine as well. I am so desperate for a meaningful relationship I just can’t wait for your details. Just to show you mean so much to me, I’m even using punctuation.

You must be telepathic; how did you know I was so lonely?

“Hello”

Hello
How are you today? Hope you are fine, i am ms. Olivi, i viewd your profile at  http://www.facebook.com
i will like us to communicate as friends for a meaningful relationship. here is my email, Olivia4r@hotmail.com  write me to my email so that i can send you my photos. waiting to read from you.
Olivi

Looks like Bettina’s got multiple personality disorder. She might eat me up just like she eats those letters and punctuation marks. I’d better not reply. Ugh, and I thought I’d found my soulmate. What a cruel world.

“Pam from the gym said to send this to you”

I was at the gym the other day, trying to get in shape again
I saw Pam and she was in greate shape
she told me about a overlooked fruit that we see

everyday but ignore it
when you add this to you routine
you can lose 30 pounds in 30 days

Get it Here

I satrted using it and already
lost 5 pounds on my stomach

get a free offer today for limited time

Pam Told me more about her struggle to loss arm and stomach fat
how nothing worked, and she lost hope
But one day she just gave this solution a shot

Shaan G
Cheers.

Ps. the secret is the high quality
concentration of the fruit
that melts the fat like butter
Click Here

 

That’s incredible; I had no idea Pam had even noticed me at the gym. I had no idea she’d been through so much trouble. I thought the gym was helping her but I guess fruit works better.

I feel your pain; I too despise people who overlook fruit.

With everything going on nowadays, you still have time to worry about my stomach fat. It’s really flattering.

I would thank Pam myself but since that gym is so crappy I guess I’ll be unsubscribing, so I guess I’ll never see her again. Also, why is she still going, if this miraculous fruit has already handled her problem? Is she so obsessed?  Can’t she ever get enough? She sounds like she’s got issues.

Screw Pam.

 

Hey, how a $100 Starbucks Gift card sound (coffee lovers click here)

Hi there,

I just found a great site that is giving away Starbuck coffe gift cards

Click Here

I got mines last week

hury is limited time offer

Hi generous stranger, thank you for the scoop. I’m not sure about Starbuck coffee but I heard Starbucks tastes like piss water.

So there will be even more for you. Grab it while you can.

Hury!

 

“You are my inhalation”

You are my inhalation, I have few blogs and sometimes run out from to brand.

Dear bot user, I might have figured out that if you can’t properly translate you quick spam comments into English, you probably can’t read posts in English either. But hey, who thought spam bots could be so funny?